In my last post, I wrote about the mother of all beat downs - despair. It is the sense that things won’t ever get any better and nothing you do will make any difference. You see no way out and feel absolute hopelessness. We looked at the Apostle Paul’s despair in his second letter to the Corinthians. 

For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. 2 Cor 1:8-11

We asked why God included Paul’s despair in His Holy Scripture and reasoned that He included it because He knew we would benefit from it. Christians can experience despair, and Scripture tells us it is okay. Being at the end of our rope is the best place to be if we are going to let go of self-sufficiency and trust in God. Paul tells the Corinthians that this is the reason he gave thanks to God for his suffering. He knew he could not handle the situation on his own. Paul was delivered from a place of total despair, and this filled his heart with the highest of hopes. 

It has been a while since I wrote this, and I now think I left a few loose ends. What can I say - I am learning! The interesting thing is, Paul was learning too! Fast-forward to 2 Corinthians 4:8, Paul writes

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed: perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; stuck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

And in 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 he adds

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Is Paul contradicting himself? He said they were “so utterly burdened beyond our strength” and “despaired of life itself” in Chapter 1 yet, in Chapter 4, he says that they were “not driven to despair”, referring to their struggles as merely “light momentary affliction”. I think what we are seeing in Chapter 4 is a change in Paul’s perspective having been divinely delivered from his despair in Chapter 1. The 19th century writer George MacDonald commented, “The Son of God suffered unto the death not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like His.” The author of Hebrews tells us, “Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right had of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2) As He hung on the Cross in agony, Jesus was thinking of union with His Church. Early on, Paul’s suffering was too heavy of a burden for him.  God delivered Paul from his despair and filled his heart with hope. Like Christ, Paul began to perceive his burdens as “preparing” him for “an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison”.

It is important for us to realize, however, that despair is separation from God. Jesus taught in the Sermon of the Mount, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3) Here, Jesus is referring to those who are in sorrow over their own sin. They confess their spiritual shortcomings to God and recognize that they need His help. It is sorrow characterized by repentance and is the only kind of sorrow that brings God glory. Those so afflicted are not condemned, but praised. Paul warns us in 2 Corinthians 7:10 that there is also worldly sorrow that “produces death”. Worldly sorrow is focused on self and the things of the world rather than God.  Despair that comes from the world, such as losing the world’s approval might lead to a desire to regain that approval, produces death in divine judgement. So, while Scripture tells us it is okay to be in a state of despair over our sin, there is also a kind of despair that is sinful in and of itself. If we find ourselves in despair over selfish or worldly things, we need to repent and turn our focus back to God. Most often, however, we find ourselves in the pits of despair following a tragedy or trauma that is not our fault and is not due to our personal sin. God uses our despair during these times to reveal to us our desperate need for Him. He can deliver us from any pit no matter how deep it seems. As Paul did, we are to let go of our self-sufficiency and accept God’s gift of grace. 

A final point I want to include here is much harder to swallow, at least for me. After I lost my son, I became anxious to know what he might have experienced. I searched for glimpses in Bible passages, and I read books on near-death-experiences. Although totally futile, it was my selfish attempt to mother my son through his death. Did he experience pain? Was he scared? Was there a  journey? What was heaven like? Was he relieved of his anxiety? Does he remember his life with us? 

J.D. Greear addresses the family unit in light of God’s Kingdom in his sermon “Preparing for the Ultimate Marriage”. He begins with Mark 10:29-30. “Jesus said, ‘Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.” Greear explains that the family unit is not the design for God’s Kingdom. Jesus is telling us that the ultimate community in God’s Kingdom is the Church! The next example is in Mark 3:31-35. “And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, ‘Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.’ And he answered them, ‘Who are my mother and my brothers?’ And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.” Here, Jesus teaches that He had a greater family than his biological one. Again, biological families are not the center of God’s Kingdom! Greear’s final and most revelatory example comes from Mark 12:18-25. “ And Sadducees came to him, who say that there is no resurrection. And they asked him a question, saying, ‘Teacher, Moses wrote for us that if a mon’s brother dies and leaves a wife, but leaves no child, the man must take the widow and raise up offspring for his brother. There were seven brothers: the first took a wife, and when he died left no offspring. And the second took her, and died, leaving no offspring. And the third likewise. And the seven left no offspring. Last of all the woman also died. In the resurrection, when they rise again, whose wife will she be? For the seven had her as a wife.’ Jesus said to them, ‘Is that not the reason you are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures not the power of God? For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” Here again Jesus is saying that, in heaven, the family unit as we know it on earth does not exist! Greear acknowledges that it is hard for us to get our minds around this. It sounds sad to us, but he says Christ’s message should not bring us sadness. In heaven, our joys are heightened, not diminished. Whatever heaven is like, we will be even closer to our spouses and children than we are here on earth. Our family relationships - mother, brother, wife, husband, son, daughter - are only temporary and are not with us in the resurrection. They are gifts that God bestows on us for the fulfillment of His purposes on earth, but only Christ and His Church are ultimate and permanent. 

I can’t say that Greear’s message sounded sad to me, rather, I just didn’t like hearing it. In my limited capacity to understand heaven, I can’t help but wonder if I still hold relevance to my son now as his mother. I wonder, when my time on earth has ended, if he will no longer hold relevance to me as my son. I know Greear is trying to tell us that there is something so much greater in store for us than we can possibly comprehend. But, I do not want to think of my relationship with my son as being insignificant, even if it is in comparison to something so much greater.  This is idolatrous of me, I know. It is one of the many reasons I need to pray and be in His Word daily.

The picture I included with this post is the last gift my son ever gave me. It was for Mother’s Day 2017. He would be gone less than two weeks later. It is a hand-painted wooden cross that says “FAITH: it makes things POSSIBLE”. I remember he was a little apprehensive when he gave it to me. He said he knew my preferred style was traditional whereas his gift was contemporary, but in spite of that, he said he saw it and just had to get it for me. 

I look at the cross he gave me now as the Holy Spirit works to correct my thoughts and bring peace to my heart. I cannot see or hear or touch my son anymore, but through God’s grace, I feel my son’s perfected love with me. I am still his mother, both to me and to him. I look forward to the day I am united with him and am given the capacity to return to him perfected love.

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