Perfectly Equipped

Our little family, as our daughter refers to us, absolutely loves good food. The kids’ dad has always been an amazing, gourmet cook. He often spent hours in the kitchen preparing Persian cuisine from his childhood. I, on the other hand, grew up with ready-meals and microwave ovens (yes, plural). Marrying at 19 years old, I had a lot of catching up to do. I’d like to say that I am now the better cook, but our daughter keeps me honest. Actually, she has turned into an amazing cook herself. Our son loved eating, but he didn’t really get into cooking until he went off to college. We think he figured out it was a great way to impress the girls. He called one night while attempting to make cookies from scratch (for a girl, of course) and said, “The dough just isn’t right! How do I fix it?!” I have my own unique kitchen talent though – hiding ingredients the kids thought they didn’t like. I’ve passed off calamari for fried chicken strips, mashed cauliflower for mashed potatoes, and pulsed veggies for sauces. 

My daughter and I were on a Mediterranean kick one night and planned out an elaborate meal. We came home from the grocery store with a bag full of beautiful, deep purple eggplant. Evan comes into the kitchen to check on our plan. The first thing he notices are the eggplant. “I’m not eating that, Mom! I know you try to hide it, but I can tell!” I assure him we’ll be making other things too and that he doesn’t have to eat the eggplant if he doesn’t want to. 

We start off roasting the eggplant and mix them up into a creamy baba ghanoush. After a while, Evan comes back into the kitchen announcing his hunger and asking how much longer until dinner will be ready. He sees the bowl of creamy dip and uses a wedge of pita bread to scoop a huge glob of it into his mouth. “This is delicious!! Can I take it into the other room with me while I wait on dinner?” “Sure, honey!” My daughter whispers, “You’re evil.”

Life is like that though, right? Everything we experience gets filtered through our perception. It is our reality and is the way we see and react to the world. It takes purposeful work to step outside of ourselves, seek clarification, and empathize with another person. It is particularly hard work when we are the middle of a conflict, feeling hurt or threatened. But sometimes, we don’t have any energy or strength to do any work whatsoever. We just feel too beat down.

I want to focus on the mother of all beat downs here - the pit of all pits. We have all felt blue or depressed at times. But there is something that goes much deeper than that. My hope would be that you have not experienced it, but given our broken world, I’d guess that a number of you have. I’m talking about despair. It is the sense that things won’t ever get any better and nothing you do will make any difference. You see no way out and feel absolute hopelessness. Desperate for it to end, you may even be frightened by your own thoughts. It is a dangerous place to be, leading some to contemplate suicide.

Do you know who has been there and knows exactly what despair feels like? The Apostle Paul. In the second of two letters to the Christian community in Corinth, Greece, Paul wrote:

For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. 2 Cor 1:8-11

The scholars’ consensus on this passage is that Paul is describing his reaction to an event in Acts 19:22-40. A silversmith named Demetrius of Ephesus felt his livelihood was threatened by the growth of Christianity. He had fewer and fewer customers for his silver shrines honoring the goddess Diana. One day, Demetrius stirred up a large crowd against the disciples, creating a dangerous scene in Ephesus’s arena. The disciples kept Paul from entering the arena fearing he would be killed by the potentially violent mob. Whether it was due to the single event in Acts or Paul was feeling beat down by numerous struggles, he wanted the Corinthians to understand something very important here. He wanted them to know that he was in despair. 

Of all the potential topics on the human condition, why do you think God included Paul’s despair in His Holy Scripture? He included it because He knew we would benefit from it. Christians can experience despair, and Scripture tells us it is okay. In fact, being at the end of our rope is the best place to be if we are going to let go of self-sufficiency and trust in God. Paul tells the Corinthians that this is the reason he gave thanks to God for his suffering. He knew he could not handle the situation on his own. Paul was delivered from a place of total despair, and this filled his heart with the highest of hopes. It is hard for us to think about our suffering in this way, particularly when we are in the midst of experiencing it. When we suffer, we tend to do all sorts of things wrong. We feel abandoned by God. We blame, become bitter, or question our worthiness. We engage in activities to dampen or avoid our feelings altogether. All of this is us trying to take control. Instead, we need to call out to His Son, “Do not fear, only believe.” (Mark 5:3) Through our despair, God reveals to us our desperate need for Him. He can deliver us from any pit no matter how deep it seems.

If we are so devastated or wounded that we cannot manage words, but only a groan, know that we are heard.  After Job lost everything, he said, “For my sighing comes instead of my bread, and my groanings are poured out like water.”(Job 3:24) Scripture tells us that even our groans are received as prayer. King David gives several examples of this in The Book of Psalms. “I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my coat with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes. Depart from me, all you workers of evil, for the LORD has heard the sound of my weeping. The LORD has heard my plea; the LORD accepts my prayer.”(Psalm 6:6-9) “I am feeble and crushed: I groan because of the tumult of my heart. O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.” (Psalm 38:8-9) God hears our groan and graces us with healing and restoration. Moses wrote, “And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the people of Israel - and God knew.” Exodus 2:24-25 

And if we are so devastated or wounded that we cannot manage a groan, even then, there is a promise of great comfort. It is then that the Holy Spirit groans for us. Paul said “… the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” (Romans 8:26) We don’t have to make any effort of our own. As Christians, the Spirit is already at work. The great Comforter comes down on us when we first believe and keeps on being supplied to us through our faith. “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:19) God will do for us whatever we need, for Jesus said, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:13)

When I lost my son, I sank into a deep pit void of light and hope. But, through no effort of my own, something began to happen. It felt like being held and gently rocked to sleep. Comforting, peaceful, quiet, loving. It took me almost a year to understand what had happened to me. The Holy Spirit had groaned a prayer on my behalf.  And through His Son, God heard it and graced me with healing and restoration. People say to me now, “You’re so strong!” and “ I don’t know how you do it!” It is not my strength. It is not my effort. All I did was believe. 

Hopefully, those of you who have experienced despair have also experienced God’s grace in your life as Paul did and as I have shared. If not, know that healing and restoration are available to you too. Our strength and hope are not in what we can do for ourselves, but in God, through His Son and His gift of the Holy Spirit. We are perfectly equipped to overcome whatever difficulties we may face.We have hope that, one day, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev 21:4) Until that day, our hope is in Jesus Christ. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) 

Photo by Nicole Blevins

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